Posted by Anonymous on 2014/01/21 under Uncategorized Although I am horrible at it. I just feel like this somehow. At the verge of depression There was nothing special The world was in greyscale But I look down and look at myself “Nothing was special”, I kept on whispering No one understands me Nothing peculiar, keep your act straight. Deny, deny! I’ll keep my denial “What if you’ll be too late?” As the days pass I’ve noticed As I gulped my doubt down and slumped on my desk “What are you talking about, He doesn’t!” As the days passed, my chest started to mould No.. no. I refuse to acknowledge it. I shake off my thoughts The world’s getting dark again Denial is my only way to cope up Months have past and I’m still the same No matter what they say about how I really feel Denying my feelings have been a tough time No matter what happens I’ll supress my emotions..
At the edge of disgrace
Everything is in session
Until I saw your face
It was still the same
But as time passes by
Realization is off pace
Everything was dark
Until you came in
Suddenly, a spark
“I don’t deserve him, I’m better off like this.”
As I continue my journey of emotional stealth
I’ll supress my emotions, my dignity is wealth.
I hate my split mind as it kept on whimpering
“What are you doing, why are you hiding?!”
My alter-ego screams but I am barely listening
And I don’t really care
I’ll just go out and be there
Smile and be the usual, polite and fare.
No suspicious movement, Not obvious, Not late.
Everything is in order, in perfect state.
But my heart burrows a hole, trying to stay awake
I’ll make it seem as if its non-existing
Nothing unusual, I passed the trial.
No one suspects anything, no reaction, no feeling.
My feelings reminded
“What if you’ll lose faith?”
‘This is what it should be’,I answered.
“Have you heard, he likes you!”
Says a friend, quite stuttered.
I stare in shock, and perspired.
The ringing thought in my mind, as if taking a risk
However, I choose to disregard and continue
My supression of emotion, my act, and my venue.
“You’re all lying to me!”
“That’s impossible! Get away from me!”
“You have no proof, and I won’t believe it!”
Yet the mystery of my feelings never unfold
Nothing can spare me from the wrath of the cold
“You should give up, your act’s getting old.”
Only one thought is clear; it’s that I don’t deserve it.
If I can’t surpass him, then I don’t deserve him.
And he deserves the best, and not mediocre.
I clear up my head
I study my notes
But I feel rather dead
The usual greyscale
I’m getting rather used to it
But I’ll always stay in denial
There’s no other way, no bottom, no top
It is my mask in this world that looks upon appearance
No doubt, my plan is fullproof, invincible.
My pride and ego and stupidity and sane
My plan of denial has been out for a while
It’s been a great time, it saved me by a mile
I’ll never believe on what they say you feel
You liking me will never be real
And I accept the truth, I tamper the seal.
But it doesn’t matter, as long as I’m fine
People now know me as a girl with a smile
Although most are forced, a real smile would take a while
I’ll never forget
To stick to the plan
And hide with a smile
.. with constant denial.
5 thoughts on “Just a poem.”
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This is beautiful but sad <3
It’s been a year now and I looked up my poem again on this site.. thank you so much 🙂 since it’s been a year the feelings are still intact…
Beautifully worded
Thank you 😀 It’s been a year now though..
Its been a year and its still the same
I deny and deny and deny and deny
it’s all I should do, and ever will do.
But no matter what, I still love you.