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Posted by on 2013/01/03 under Uncategorized

UI’m too old to be this f***ed up. I feel like a depressed teenager all over again. Actually I never stopped, so idk what I’m even talking about. I’ll be 30 in 4 years, and it makes me cringe so there’s another thing to add to my list of s***.
I like gay/lesbian porn. Idk why cuz I’m straight and just like men. An actual vagina in my face would probably make me puke, at the very least, gag. I like raunchy sex stories. Things I wouldn’t even be able to do or wouldn’t actually want to do, turns me on. It makes me feel like a freak afterwards. Its like total disgust with myself after I masturbate, yet I do it every night.
I have a bad habit of having sex with men who are in relationships. I’ve only fallen in love with ones who wouldn’t have sex with me or wouldn’t even flirt with me though because they are honorable. I’m constantly wanting, but will never really have them. Keeping secrets, it’s so passionate and intimate even though cheaters are garbage. Nobody wants to have anything good and real with me, so if I can’t share real love with someone at least we have that. I’ve had sex with so many hot guys, that’s the only way I can feel ok about it morally. They’re hot and they come onto me. I’m not going to turn down a sexy piece of ass just because some girl is dumb enough to believe he loves her. Its not on me, and nobody thought twice about f***ing my boyfriend when I was innocent and had never done anything to anyone to deserve that. I would never cheat on a boyfriend. I would just dump him. Idk how people think it’s ok to keep someone thinking everything is perfect in a relationship when it’s not.
I do coke every Friday and Saturday. Blow half my check up my nose and on drinks. Then I have to smoke weed to get me to sleep. Sometimes I throw some pills in to mix it up a little. I know it’s bad for me, I don’t think I’m an addict though, I do skip weekends now and then and never do anything even drink during the week, but at the same time I’d be bored if I went out and didn’t do it.
I know, I know. I’m a loser. I honestly wish I would have died years ago. I was supposed to, but bless modern medicine. I always thought I would be something great when I grew up. I thought I’d be smart and rich and tall with big boobs like my sister. Instead I’m a stupid failure who has to f*** other people’s boyfriends to be somewhat fulfilled. Also I stopped growing when I was 12, so I’m 5’2″ with A cups. Not at all what I had in mind. I’m still in college, its never-ending. My job sucks. My car sucks. It’s all so tiring and I never get anywhere. Sometimes I wish I had a gun so I could just blow my head off. Or that I could just pack a bag and drive West to a small desert town where I’ll meet the man of my dreams. But I’m a pussy.

4 thoughts on “wtf

  1. Anonymous says:

    you’re not a loser.

  2. Sian says:

    Just because you drink alcohol on weekends and coke on other days and enjoy sex and porn videos it doesn’t mean your a loser it just means you need to cut back and watching them stop drinking too regularly get a job unless you already have one start earning money and get a true love…one that you will commit too and love…not someone you are gonna pick up, get yourself pregnant, and drop…find someone new and repeat…find someone that you are gonna settle with and love forever…someone that will put you first…someone that will do anything for you…stay together for a few years and when the time is right he will propose and then you can look into pregnancy…don’t go rushing into things too quickly though otherwise it will ruin the relationship that you have spent ages on building into a strong thing…Thankyou for reading… 🙂

  3. MountainManKev says:

    Hi, hmmm, you said that nobody wants you. That only fits if you don’t want you. You are not all f***ed up, you are way too hard on yourself. I don’t look at things I did like dating married women for 2 years as bad. It was what I wanted at the time and obviously they did too. I am in no way bragging when I tell you I have slept with over 350 women. I was searching for something that was within me the whole time. Hey I had a blast, none of it was bad. I have done enough drugs to keep a small town partying for a decade, nothing bad there it was my choice. I enjoy feeling good and having fun. Sure I could look at it and say it was bad but why? A gun is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can always pack a bag and head west to me. I’ll show you how to see things differently. You said you are 4 years away from 30. By the way you said that I wonder what you believe will happen at 30? I can tell you for fact that 30 is a big change year. Most folks begin to look deeply at their spirituality at 30. I was angry at the world until I was 30. One great day on June 4th of that year all my anger, confusion, despair, sadness, was taken away. I spent the next 2 years reading and asking questions, studying world religions, trying to find the answer on what happened that day. I tried to give away what happened but couldn’t. I tried telling everyone I met what had happened but discovered there aren’t the words available to tell others. I knew I sounded crazy. My friends became angry, they wanted what had happened to me too. I finally had to just keep quiet about it because people were looking at me like I was nuts. It has been 23 years now. It happened 5 times, I call it “The Rush”. It was an epiphany. That day, June 4th, in an instant I KNEW, without a doubt, that everything is as it should be and All Is Well. I saw everything in the universe synchronize and connect, everything clicked. I had tears running down my face with joy and relief Knowing that we are all okay. A few years ago I found a book that explained a lot. Altered States of Consciousness. Some people, not everyone will experience this thing. Near death experiences, people state they died and came back, people that use the drumbeat and/or music to put themselves into a trancelike state, monks that meditate and pray for days, certain drugs, dreaming. All my research showed me that this happened to ppl right around 30 yrs of age, up to 34. That’s how old Jesus was when he began his major preaching and stuff. He only preached for 4 years. Coincidence? Nah, no such thing. I have now learned that more ppl are now experiencing this than ever, at all ages, much more frequently. That is great to hear. I could sit here and say it all sucks, I am being re-assigned from a job I love in 2 weeks, and it does suck. I hate the changes coming up that I have no control over. I have to look at it with an open mind and embrace it. Trust me I do not want to. I’m pissed off. If I don’t keep a positive open mind my new job will be a bad thing. I can do this, I can accept this change. I Know in my soul that good things will be in there. Heck, I might meet my soulmate? Who knows? I’m going to get paid less money, my current job is something i’m good at and truly love. I have been doing the same thing for 28yrs. I should be all down and out about this and was for a few days. Many of my co-workers are tripping hard about their job changes. It can be toxic. I keep coming back with positive stuff and they lighten up. Life really sux sometimes. You are not broken and you can do anything you desire. Just have passion and do it from your heart and soul, you will succeed. Love, Kev

    1. Unrecognizable says:

      I loved your whole reply. You left me wanting to more. thanks Kev

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