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Posted by on 2018/04/23 under Love

I have this friend, they're my very best friend. We met in high school as freshmen and I remember meeting him and kind of just feeling like we'd be friends for a very long time. I mean I told myself I was naive, i even made a joke to a non mutual friend, "if i don't get a prom date i bet i'll go with him" and she looked at me like i was crazy, "Pshhh what?? come on you really think you'll still be friends by then" and I guess i laughed and said, "probably not, you're right i'm thinking too far ahead," especially since we were hardly friends at the time, but low and behold, we became super close, hung out every weekend went on adventures, even after high school we both cried when we went our seperate ways, but we've kept in touch constantly. To this day, years later we're as close as ever and we talk on the phone at least once a week. I think we tell each other just about everything. we reminisce about the old days, and i just i can't explain how much i love him (non romantically, i just genuinely feel so amazing having him in my life)

Idk I've not dated much in my life, but even when i meet someone and it goes nowhere something in my gut tells me not to worry, because they weren't the one because they're not him. I feel ridiculous and I tell myself no, that we're meant to be best friends forever but nothing more, and i think that i believe that, but there's always that voice in the far back of my mind that says, no matter how long i make the list of reasons we shouldn't and wouldn't end up together, my mind can't seem to just let go.

a part of me is like, "i know he's the one" the problem is I don't think i am the one for him. I've never felt good enough for him. And so sometimes i try to analyze myself and see where these thoughts come from. Sometimes I think, it's obvious he's really attractive and we have a beautiful friendship and of course people are going to joke about us ending up together, BUT i'm confusing the love i have for him as a person is getting mixed up with other people's opinions and stuff you see in movies. But the reality is in real life best friends don't end up together.

He's reacently started dating someone and i'm… i'm numb to it. The best friend in me is like "YES! GO BEST FRIEND! " And the other part of me is cynical, "sure it's cool for now but eventually it won't workout and you're gonna end up with me" and i don't want to think like that, i want to be happy for him, i also never want to reveal my inner feelings because what if he does marry someone else? If i say something we can't be friends,not like we are now because his future spouse may never trust me. he may think that he cannot be friends with me. i think once he finds someone they're most definitely going to be better best friends than we are now, that's really how it should be, and really maybe i'm overthinking but idk I feel like I just know how things are going to play out, but i don't want to, because if i'm wrong, and the doubt in my head says i am wrong, I just don't want to get hurt, or be sad i want to be genuinely happy and not try to find him in everyone else.

i want to let this go, but i don't know how…

One thought on “Does Anybody Ever Really JUST Know?

  1. D.D. says:

    I guess I’m a few days too late to comment, but I guess it’s fate for me to see this when I came on today to rant.

    After reading this, I can relate to you a lot. From the meeting in high school, to people’s opinions, and down to supporting them despite conflicting internal feelings.

    I can tell you that you won’t be able to let go. Being best friends with them is only setting yourself up for heartbreak in my experience. They will find future lovers and every time, you’ll be happy for them, but shatter a little more on the inside as your feelings go unnoticed.

    Someone once told me that perhaps a person is too afraid to make a move because the person they want to be with is the very last person they want to have hurt them.
    Are you afraid of something?

    One thing I can say is that if they’re your best friend, then they should stay your best friend, even after knowing that you like them. The only reason that wouldn’t hold true is if either one of you decide to leave the other afterwards. It would only get awkward if you let it.

    In fact, I’m still best friends with mine after I’ve already told her. They didn’t say it was mutual nor was I rejected or treated differently, but I have certainly felt a whole lot better knowing that I got it off my chest and that they are acknowledge my feelings.

    Since then, seeing them find lovers might still sting a bit, but not as much as before since I can proudly say to myself, “I’ve tried,” and begin the process of moving on knowing that.

    It comes down to asking yourself one thing:

    “What is there to lose?”

    From there, you decide whether it is worth a shot. If you really want to “let this go” though, then your first step is to actually try so you can finally get into that mindset of moving on.

    For the record, you are wrong about one thing. Best friends do end up together in real life. Whoever you heard that from is lying. I may not be a part of that statistic, but there sure are a lot of couples out there that are.

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