Posted by Anonymous on 2015/01/28 under Uncategorized All my life, I’ve been a loner. All my life, the only boyfriend I ever had was over the internet. In October, 2013, I went through a breakup that was (for me) very hard to handle. That same month, I met someone (over the internet) that brought me back to life again. For as far as I was concerned, this was the most wonderful man I thought I’d ever met. Our relationship, as every relationship, had rough patches. Our relationship, as few relationships, got through every bit of it and loved each other more and more every time. Me in America, him in the Philippines, we planned to meet one another. Me, being the loner I am, truly thought we had a future together. Every promise he made, every oath he made, every sweet nothing he told to me felt genuine. I gave up every friend I had for him, just to make sure I’d always stay loyal to him. When he didn’t do the same, I never objected. I loved him more than I thought I would anyone else. His past relationships both ended the same: infidelity on the woman’s part. Me, he saw differently, and he saw correctly. His fear and worry and mistrust overtook him, and when an argument between an old friend and I held the name of one of my ex boyfriends’, he, with his broken understanding of English, and stubbornness, wouldn’t even want an explanation from me. All he needed was to see my ex’s name in our conversation, and instantly, I’m talking to my ex boyfriend behind his back, and cheating on him. Instantly, he found out I wasn’t truly a virgin, and that everything I ever told to him was a lie, that everything he was planning to do for us was for nothing. That I threw everything away. According to him, that’s what seeing my ex’s name in our conversation, even though he didn’t even want to ask for confirmation or explanation, really meant. I never expected ignorance like that from him. Sometimes I wonder if he was truly that impatient and ignorant to not even ask me to help him understand the English he wasn’t failiar with, or just an excuse. All the hope I invested in him, all the dreams I thought were coming true, wasted because of ignorance, or something I’m not aware of. Right now, the only thing I can think of when I imagine moving on and loving again someday, is throwing up. I loathe the existance of men like him. Men that take your heart with a soft hand, promising it comfort, and when they become bored or don’t understand, they rip it apart like it was nothing to them. They assume they “know” you’re truly a slut, that you’re truly a player, that you’re truly just a toy trying to treat them like another toy. Until men start to think with their hearts and minds, rather than their d***s and lust, I’ve lost all desire and hope in any dream I had for finding love, over the internet OR in real life.