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Posted by on 2018/01/10 under Life

Liking someone you can’t have is hard. You might know full well that things can’t work out and this could be for a whole host of reasons, maybe some of them being logical and some being purely emotional and from both of your parts. But sometimes things just reach a stage where (if you’re lucky) you find an equilibrium… a balance if you will. And you learn to love without consequence. You learn to love and accept your own love but expect nothing in return. If I’m being honest here I do think this is more special than the love where you’re loved back — because that’s closer to a deal… here you might no longer have a romantic love towards them… you don’t even know what ut is … all you know is that when you look at them while your heart may not skip a beat it buzzes with fuzzy warmness; a warmness like butter beer. But the way life is, sometimes somethings happen and things aren’t the same anymore. It may be you, or even him but just totally unrelated, sometimes trivial-seeming situations. It could’ve been something as phone as someone you Ryder all the time losing their phone. And then you panic. You panic because you’ve never believed in their love, you don’t even think it exists. What if you never text again? What if this is it? While you logically know you need to believe in the strength of your friend/relationship you just can’t. And this doubt, it eats you. And then you need somewhere to write so you reach here. Because you need to write about how scared you are that this is the end, and how much you don’t want this to me the end. Him belong in your life taught you that between friendship live and sibling love and romantic love there’s this undefined thing that is. It just is. Undefinable, incompressible, it exists. Please don’t let this be the end, Fate. I know how easy it is for this to be it, for us to drift apart. Future me probably wouldn’t even think of it twice because it would very easily be the natural course of things. But that would be because future me has forgotten. Forgotten what it’s like to love.

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