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Posted by on 2017/12/17 under Kids

Two lines.

Two visible lines. That’s never been our issue. Watching those two lines fade into nothing but heartbreak and tears over and over again, that is what we became accustomed to.

But that was then. And this is now. Now we have a two year old that is the light of our life, one that we believe would make the best big sister.

We started out with a great plan. Just repeat everything we did to get her. It sounds so simple. Just be at the right place at exactly the right time and that will lead to seeing those two miraculous lines.

We’ve always seen two lines.

But not this time. Or the next. Or the next.

It has been 8 months of single lines.

8 months of maybe this will be the month.

Countless vials of blood and many awkward and slightly painful internal procedures.

All of this will be worth it once we see those two lines.

Until then, the disappointment keeps mounting with
Each. Single. Line.

Disappointment. Frustration. A little hopelessness.

Losing a baby, no matter how many times it happens, is soul crushing.

Never conceiving that baby, as I’m now learning, is also soul crushing.

All of this is happening, or not happening technically, behind closed doors. There are a couple of people who know, but most do not. And some who I should be sharing this journey with, but haven’t.

It started out with our great plan. We would see two lines the first try and everything would work out and be a spectacular surprise for our friends and family.

Now those friends and family are constantly asking us when will we have another baby. They’re probably not actually asking constantly, but every time the question comes up it sure feels like it.

And what a great f***ing question it is.

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