Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2017/03/27 under Friends

Hi, I am Antoinette, and I want to share some things about myself. I have a learning disability, which means information goes to my brain, but I never understand how to put it on paper. I struggled with this problem all my life. I didn’t learn until grade 5, I was 10 years old. when I was in class, my English teacher caught on that I was learning at a slower pace then my classmates, and not comprehending information. I was taken out of regular education classes, and put into Special Ed. I was in there from grade 5, all the way up to grade 12, which wasn’t a problem for me. It was middle school and grade 9. I was bullied, but it was way worse in middle school. I would try to make friends, because I didn’t have any friends, the kids were so mean to me. I am not talking about a few kids,it was all the kids, its like the word traveled, that I was in Special Ed. The kids called me retard, the kids would hit me, even spit on me. I was really shy and I didn’t do anything. I went to the teachers, but that never seemed to work, it was worse, the kids would just continue doing the same behavior. I tried to be every one friend. I remember like it was yesterday. I would come home crying everyday, it hurt so much. I never wanted to go back to school, everyday was a struggle for me, that was middle school. Once , I started high school the kids eventually grew up, and stopped bothering me, grade 9, I was14 years old, it was not that bad like middle school. It didn’t stop until grade 10-12. I suffered from really bad depression, and felt all alone and so scared. There were even times that I felt suicidal. I never had a plan, because deep down to be honest, I would have never gone through with it, but it was my way at the time letting feeling go and calling out for help, which I realize now that I am more positive and more wise, suicide is not the answer it is selfish, and causes pain and hurt for the people you leave behind, who care about you. I started going to psycho therapy, where I learned other techniques to cope with my feeling. I would sometimes skip classes, because I just couldn’t face my classmates, because of the fact I was bullied. I would just shut down,and didn’t know how to be social .I would get so close to class and just freeze and run away. I hated the feeling, like I was not in control, it almost sometimes felt as if I couldn’t breathe, and I would pass out, sometimes things were black .I don’t think any of my classmates were being mean then, but its because of my past. It was so difficult to talk and communicate with people, it is now been said it is anxiety, which I am on medication for, and I learned breathing techniques, which I can honestly say at the age of 27 years old, I have not had any anxiety attacks in about 2 and a half years, and no depression, although to be honest, I still get a little nervous around people, and my social skills are not always the best, sometimes I just don’t trust new people, it just takes a while to warm up to them. I guess, I just wanted to share a little about myself to someone out there going through the same thing. It has been tough for me, but it has only made me stronger as a person, and I know people who would be ashamed or embarrassed about there problems, and disabilities. I strongly believe I am a much better person, because of going through things. My disability is my gift, so I could give advise, and help others going through similar things, so I am going to end it here, if you are struggling, I know it seems rough like your in a hole, and can’t get out right now. I been there just find support, and believe me things will get better, I promise and if you need help, seek it and don’t be ashamed, be proud.

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