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Posted by on 2015/03/30 under Uncategorized

so today wasn’t really a great day. it could have been much better. I am actually pretty unhappy. im so upset and my thoughts and emotions are consuming me. I have been thinking so much about what this world would be like without me here. I have really been thinking about killing myself. the thing is, I am too scared to do it. and another thing is, I am not really sure if I want to do it or not. I just really need to get away from here I need to get away from my life. I have nowhere to go. so I’m just thinking, you know, maybe my only option is to just go away, the bright sides about it are that i’ll be with God, the wonderful God who I am so thankful i have in my life. another thing is that i will be with my grandma, who passed away last month. i miss her sososososososo much and i miss her sweet voice. another thing is that i will be away from this awful world we live in. yeah, i know the world has some real potential, but there’s just so much wrong with it already that it would be nice to get away from all of it. i wouldn’t be scared anymore. i would actually be happy, and it would last. the thing about going away, the bad things, make me change my mind about it. for one, i don’t want to cast pain on my loved ones. i don’t want to make them have to go through suffering and pain and grief. ive been there, still am there, actually, but if i really love them, i wouldn’t put them through that. another bad thing about going away on purpose is i could just wait it out. i could sit here and suffer through the pain, i could get stronger and just try to make it through and eventually i will escape. i know it will take a long time, but it might just be worth it.

the thing is, i just feel so many awful things no human being should be feeling. its awful. and i think its safe to say that i am actually depressed. i have anxiety and i take medicine for it. but this depression is kicking my butt. i think i may have some mental issues that really need to be solved. which explains why i want to go away. i don’t know. the only person that knows i don’t want to be here anymore is God. and my grandma, who is watching over me.

i just really need some friends who actually care about me. so this week was spring break. i stayed at home all week. i use my phone all the time. always on it. anyways, i didn’t get one text message from any of my “friends”. i just really hate where i live and i hate the people who live here. if you lived here, you would know. yeah i know, there are stupid people EVERYWHERE. but here, it’s awful.

One thought on “march 29, 2015

  1. Anonymous says:

    Deep sorry for what happen…. I believe you will come put much stronger that… And I think you need to someone physically you don’t have mental problem you just need to get all those feelings out of your chest and talk to someone

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