Posted by Anonymous on 2015/01/28 under Uncategorized THE RISE
1
The wind was blowing very steadily as I could feel it through my hair. The clouds circling towards me were getting ready for the thunderstorm that was expected. There was the starting of a slight drizzle as I inhaled the sweet smell of wet earth. The opposition was large. Standing high atop from a considerable distance, I could see them as a whole. This day was bound to come sooner or later. It was inevitable. I looked at the king and saw nothing but courage in his eyes. He smiled at me as I returned it back.
“Don’t let anything happen to her” As the words came out on their own.
“You know I won’t”
The horns started to sound and I knew it was time to go. I looked back at my own people and saw her for the last time. Her brown hair flowing like the waves of the ocean and her eyes as deep. A single ray of sun shone through the clouds and almost made a halo atop her head. I caught her attention. She stared straight at me and I knew exactly what she wanted to say.
“Boom, Boom, Boom” The drumrolls started to sound as I reluctantly looked away. For a while the music kept playing and suddenly came to a halt. That was the queue as a loud pang from the steel instrument rang in our ears and the one word I dreaded so much from the king himself.
“Forward!”
I leapt straight through the air towards earth headfirst. Adrenaline started to pump through as the heart rate hit the roofs. The little droplets of water smashed against me as I felt every little prick in my body as expected. The earth was springing up towards me and I closed my eyes and called forth the fire within. With a single rush I pulled straight up and rocketed towards the enemy defense. Their attacks were useless because after all, they were mere mortals. I burned straight through their vehicles causing countless deaths until I was met with my own match.
The thing probably weighed 20 times as much as me and was a shade of dark blue. Its eyes showed the mad desire of blood and so did its teeth. The force of my impact against it was good enough for the beast to be taken down for the moment but it quickly sprang up. This was supposed to be my brother’s target, I didn’t sign up for this I . The blue thing lunged towards me as I kept dodging its fists. I could not keep up much longer. I tried to light it up with the fire in my hands, but not surprisingly, it was fire proof. It quickly blocked my efforts as I turned to escape. Unfortunately it caught one of my feet and pulled me straight to the earth with a big thud. I recovered and stood up a bit fuzzy and saw the thing pull back for the final blow. I stared straight at it as I saw yellow teeth grinning at me.
“F***” was the only thing that could come out of my mouth
4 thoughts on “the first page of my book please do read and citize if you like it or not”
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Its cool to read something thats actually a story on a sight of emotional outpourings. A few things, try not to curse except in extreme circumstances. It takes away from your writing. Also learn to harness a moment, not a series of events. It needs more exposition or you feel nothing for the characters. Really just read more books and continue writing. It’s all practice and absorbing the styles of the greats. One day you’ll reach where you want to be stylistically. Did I mention keep on reading books?
In full agreement with TGWRTWT. It’s a great start and Good luck with the rest.
Here if you need me.
I only see one problem and that’s the swearing. I myself don’t mind it but lots of people do and therefore that’s lots of people who won’t read it. You want to make it suitable for as many people as possible so that more people will read it and like it. Great beginning though, keep it up and you’ll soon have a whole story.
Maybe replace the swear word with a sarcastic ‘great’, or something like that.